And You Thought it Couldn't Get Worse!
by Emy Bellerose
Summary: First, get captured because you're a pirate. Check! Second, get kidnapped and irritated by a pirate. Check! Third, fall in love with said pirate. Che-Wait! That wasn't part of the plan. JP/LE
1. Check One!

Emy Note: I read the pirate JP/LE fics and decided to try writing one. Sadly, I realized I know pretty much nothing about ships. Hopefully, that won't ruin the story to much. Anyway, onto the story...

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Locked in a cell, check.

Wrists tied, check.

Gag in my mouth, "Mmhm," double check.

'Okay, Lily, not exactly the best place to be in, but I have been here before.' I thought to myself well aware that the situation was not exactly the same as before. The difference: last time I purposely got myself locked up. This time, some back-stabbing pirate sold me out.

Damn, Pirates! It's weird to curse yourself; maybe I should be more specific. Damn, Landers. I tried to say this out loud, but it end up as more of a, "Mphnfm."

"Shut it!" A voice roared and I rolled my eyes. It was probably that stubby crewmember that shoved me in here.

A middle age man walked towards the cell door and glared contemptuously through the bars. "Pirate," he snarled. The man was wearing His Majesty naval uniform.

I just rolled my eyes, since I still couldn't speak clearly.

"Seeley," the man called and the stubby man got up.

"Captain?"

"Remove the cloth from the prisoner's mouth." Seeley gave his captain a confused look before he shrugged his shoulders and opened the cell door. The Captain turned back to me glaring full force, "Don't try anything." I stared at the man, while Seeley loosened my gag. "Now, state your name, pirate."

"And take away your fun of calling me pirate?" I replied calmly.

He looked murderous and for a second I thought he might snap. "By the order of His Majesty, state your name."

"Well, since you asked so nicely." I took pride in watching his eyes narrower to the point of squinting. "Li-wait you mean to tell me that you called me a pirate and did not even know who I am." He stuttered for a second. "You took the word of an accused pirate over a young girl?" I asked adopting an innocent look.

"If you are so innocent, then why do you have the mark of a pirate?"

"I have a pirate mark?" I asked questioningly.

He nodded towards Seeley, who cut the ropes binding my hands. I rubbed my wrists; no matter how many times I get tied up, it always leaves a mark. The captain wrenched my left arm towards him and yanked up the sleeve. He looked for the tattoo that marked me as a pirate. I heard a collective gasp, when the _dear_ captain and Seeley examined my arm. I must say that the particular reaction I just experienced was now my favorite.

"I know you have a mark. Where is it wench?"

"I don't appreciate being called a wench." I said agitatedly. "If you must know, I don't have the mark."

"Every pirate has the tattoo."

"Then I wonder what it means since I don't have one." I said condescendingly. You only get the tattoo, if you get found guilty.

The captain looked purple at what I was insinuating; I guess he doesn't like being made a fool of. With one hand he pointed his pistol at my temple, and with the other he ripped off the dark bandana that was covering my hair. Unfortunately, I had not cut it in a very long time, so my unkempt auburn hair tumbled down my back. The captain was momentarily stunned; my seemingly unnatural red hair had that effect on people. Blinking quickly, he grudgingly removed the gun and said, "a young _lady_ should not be dressed like a man." He appraised my outfit, "Seeley bring our new _guest_ some appropriate clothing."


	2. Lord Voldemort

This is why I don't wear dresses: stupid corset! I'm positive it was invented by a man, like high heels. It's all fine and dandy that the man invented high heels to make the French queen taller, but why does the rest of the female population have to suffer. Better question: why does a crew full of men have women's clothing on board?

The clothing in question was a full-skirted light brown gown. The offending garment was a way-too-tight corset. I struggled with the unyielding object, until I heard a knock at the door, "Come in."

The small cabin door opened and a young boy stood in the doorway. "It is time for dinner," his voice was quiet. The boy had dark blonde hair and gray eyes. He blushed, when he saw me tug at my dress.

"Well, it's as good as its going to get." I said and walked out of the room with the boy following. "My name is Lila." I told him automatically giving him one of my many aliases. In recent years, I realized it is safer to keep my real name to myself, especially if you're supposedly a pirate. Continuing on, I tried to start a conversation.

"My name is William, but everyone on the ship calls me Willie." Willie stuck out his hand and I returned the gesture, but instead of shaking it he put a small kiss on my knuckles.

"What a gentleman," I teased.

Blushing again, he said, "I try."

I noticed he looked a little young to be on a ship. But who was I to criticize the situation; I took my first job on a ship at eight and that had been twelve years ago. "How old are you, Willie?"

"Ten," he said proudly.

I nodded and realized I didn't know where I was going, "Take the lead."

Willie took me up a flight of stairs, and down a long corridor. He stopped at a door, and ushered me into the room.

"Crew, let me introduce our guest," He paused realizing he didn't know my name.

I tried unsuccessfully to keep myself from rolling my eyes. "Lila Barnes," I said.

"Miss Barnes," he finished as though he had known my name all along.

Dinner was a bore and extremely painful. I hadn't eaten in three days, but I couldn't eat much because of the constricting garment I was wearing. When it ended, I gladly escaped to my room and ripped the corset to pieces.

I relaxed on my cot, and pondered my next move: how to get off this ship. Hours passed as I stared at the ceiling, but I did not know when dawn would approach since there was no windows in my cabin. I was startled out of my reverie when I heard footsteps outside my door.

"Lila?" The door opened slowly and revealed Willie. "Can I come in?"

"You're already here, so you might as well," I said lazily.

He shut the door and stood in front of it. "I noticed that you were uncomfortable in the dress, so I brought you these." Willie pulled out a pair of faded black breeches and a white shirt. "I borrowed them from one of the other crew members. They won't notice they're gone."

Excited, I stood up and pulled Willie into a hug. "Thanks, I was dreading wearing that dress again."

He nodded turning red, "You're welcome." Willie paused for a few seconds, "You know, the captain told us we aren't supposed to talk to you."

"Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him," I paused, "much." Willie laughed. "Anyway, how'd you end up on this crew?"

His smile dropped, "My father and mother were killed, and I was left to die. I ended up finding work in the shipping yard, and then this ship pulled into port looking for cabin boys. I joined and a year later: here I am."

Curious, I couldn't keep myself from asking "How did your parents die?"

"At the hands of Lord Voldemort's lackeys," he said disgustedly.

I had heard about Lord Voldemort. He had inherited his title after his father mysteriously died. Voldemort was a cruel and ruthless man. He violently acquired several ships, and recruited pirates with the unrealistic promise of power and riches. Those who didn't join his escapades were murdered.

"I shouldn't have asked," I said apologetically.

"Its fine," Willie said standing up, "I have to go. It's almost dawn and I have the last watch."

He left and I tried on the clothes he had brought me. They were a little baggy, but loads better than what I had worn to dinner. I had just tied my old bandana around my hair when I heard cannon fire.


	3. Check Two!

The ship shook and I fell onto my cot. "What the hell?" I said jumping to my feet and hurrying to the door.

Another canon was fired, but I didn't feel it hit the ship. I figured we were retaliating. I went into the hall and noticed it was chaos. Men were running everywhere. They were pushing and shoving to get up the stairs. I waited in the shadow until it was clear, and then I followed the crew. The deck was more organized, but still hectic. Knowing that every hand was needed while in battle, I looked for any place I could help. Some crew members were trying to lower the sails, so they weren't damaged during the fight. Unfortunately, another canon hit the ship, and threw multiple crew members into the water.

"Forget the canons, they're boarding!" The captain yelled. "Prepare to fight!" He unsheathed his weapon and charged toward the unwelcome invaders. Within seconds, a new set of crewmembers were on deck and a battle ensued.

Without a sword, I knew I was helpless. "Here," a rapier was forced into my hands, and I looked up into the face of Willie.

"Thanks," I replied. "Good luck." He nodded and quickly disappeared. To my left, I noticed two men fighting, one had the insignia of HMS and the other was stereotypically pirate. The pirate was losing and was soon thrown overboard. Turning to my right, I quickly raised my rapier to block an attack. There weren't any identifying marks on the man in front of me, but the look in his eyes was enough to make me strike back. I took an offensive stance and waited to see what he'd do. His eyes told me his movements, and effortlessly I parried. The first rule of sword fighting is to watch your opponent's eyes; they never lie. The fight continued, but soon I was tired of the man's repetitive technique with a short, quick blow he tumbled over the rail and into the ocean below.

After another confrontation, I realized my crew was losing. I ended my current fight quickly, but I couldn't do anything to help the situation because our captain had been captured. Two swordsmen pointed the end of their swords at my throat and I dropped my rapier. I was shoved towards the group of crewmen. I discreetly looked for Willie in the group of captured men, but he wasn't there. I hoped he hadn't gotten killed.

"How many have we lost?" A sandy brown-haired man asked.

"Six," was the reply, but I didn't see who said it.

"Crap," this time a man with sleek, long, black hair said. "Captain isn't going to be happy."

"I'll tell him," it sounded like the same man who replied earlier, but he was still out of my eyesight.

"Report," a bespectacled man with long white hair asked. Beads and scraps of fabric were tied artfully through out his hair and his blue eyes twinkled almost dully.

"Captain, we lost six men." The unseen man said.

"Who, James?" The captain asked as his face saddened. I missed the names because I was watching for Willie. "What an unfortunate loss. They were good men. We will give them a respectable pirate goodbye." I returned my gaze towards the captain. He started a speech, and I heard gasps of surprise as the pirate crew threw the bodies of their fallen comrades overboard. It wasn't weird to me because it is well-known pirate code to return the dead to Davy Jones. As the last corpse was sent to its watery grave, the captain finished his words of goodbye, and began scouring the imprisoned crew for recruits. "I am Captain Dumbledore of the _Hogwarts_. Since my crew has lost six of their friends, I believe its time to make new acquaintances. We only have room for six, so not all of you will be able to join," I counted the men surrounding me. There were 16 including me. "Fortunately, it only takes ten to sail a ship. The numbers will work out perfectly." Captain Dumbledore's eyes scanned the crowd, "Who wants to be part of the _Hogwarts_ crew?" With those final words, he left our ship and swung with amazing agility across to his ship. Dumbledore turned gave us a joking wink, and then disappeared into his ship.

"Well, you heard him, which of you men wants to sail with us pirates?" Finally the man, who had spoken earlier, stepped into my line of view. His black hair gave off the impression that it had been windy recently because it was sticking out in all directions, and his hazel eyes were bright with excitement.

"I can't, I have a family at home." A tall lanky man said.

"Let him lose," the windswept man said.

Minutes later, eight more had said they couldn't be part of a pirate crew, and four had opted for sailing on the _Hogwarts_.

A rat of a man was on my left, "um, I'll b-be part of the _H-hogw-warts_ crew."

"Great, two left." The messy black-haired man said. "Stand up men. There is no reason for you to be on your knees."

The man on my right and I stood up. I almost started laughing. He thinks I'm a man. "I'll join the pirate crew," I said standing up letting my loose bandana fall off my hair. Well, he'll know I'm a girl now.

He stared surprised. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the sandy haired man leaned over and said something to the long haired pirate. Soon, his unfocused face mirrored the man in front of me when he heard what the light-haired man said. "No women on the ship," I gaped at the hazel-eyed man. "You'll do," he drug the man who hadn't said anything up and pushed him towards the soon-to-be pirates.

My temper flared up as he turned away from me, and I noticed something metal hanging next to his sword. Unexpectedly, I grabbed the dagger from its holder and whipped the man around with it pressed against his throat. "What?" I bit out.

I saw fear flash in his eyes, but it quickly faded. He reached for his gun holster, but I pushed the blade further into his skin and saw blood drip out of the small wound. "Women have no place on a ship," he said as his eyes dared me to try to kill him. I kicked the back of his knee and simultaneously withdrew his sword. With fast footsteps, I positioned myself in front of his kneeling figure with the sword at his neck.

"Enough," I heard Captain Dumbledore's voice. "We have no rules against women, James," the captain stood on the railing of his ship. "Young lady," he said addressing me, "Would you let him up?" I kicked him in the stomach for good measure, but removed the weapon. The man, who I assumed was James, stumbled to his feet and over to the other two men, who had spoken earlier.

"She got you good, James." The dark long haired man said, while the other shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't know the first fight you'd lose would be to a girl." The man continued and began laughing.

"Sirius," the captain called.

"Yessir," he said clicking his boot heels and standing at mock-attention.

"I want you to take our new crewmembers to the ship," the captain looked at the man James had forced into the crew, "except for the man who didn't want to join." Sirius threw another look at James, and went to do as he was told. "Remus," Dumbledore said smiling as he addressed the sandy-haired man, "go make sure Sirius doesn't scare our new friends to bad." As Remus walked away, the captain turned towards me. "Would you join the _Hogwarts_?"

"Always wanted to be a pirate," I said cheekily and James scowled.

"Lila," I heard a voice call, and I was almost knocked over when someone hugged me.

"Willie, you're alright." I said happily, hugging him back.

"Why are going to become a pirate?" He asked confused.

"I'm not going to become a pirate," I noticed James's face light up. "I already am one." His face fell. "I've been one for twelve years."

Willie stared at me, "But the captain said you didn't have the pirate mark."

"I don't; I've never been found guilty, so I've never gotten one." I turned toward Captain Dumbledore, "if I join, can I bring William?"

"No," James said before the captain could answer, "we only have space for six not seven."

"Now, James, he's a small boy he won't take up much space and besides, the more the merrier." In a very mature moment, I stuck my tongue out at James. I heard a cough come from the captain, but I could tell he was laughing at what I had done. "James, as the first mate, it is your job to show Willie and Miss," Dumbledore paused.

"Barnes. Lila Barnes." I supplied.

I saw Dumbledore's eyes widen curiously, but his voice was calm, "and Miss Barnes around the ship." With that order, he went back into the Captain's quarters.

Begrudgingly James wiped the blood of his neck and said, "Come on." He walked across a board that was connecting the two ships. With a quick reassuring smile at the ten-year-old boy standing next to me, Willie and I followed the first mate's lead unto the _Hogwarts_.


	4. Change of Course

Emy Note: Before I thought of this chapter, I had no idea where this story was going. Now that I do, I had to make a couple of changes to the first three chapters. I'm sorry if this is an inconvience to anyone.

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When I was standing on deck the following day, Captain Dumbledore announced there would be a change in course.

_"Crew, I have decided to take a detour before we make port in St. Luna's." Groans of displeasure and disappointment filled the air. Willie and I stood there wondering what the deviation meant._

_"Why are we changing course, Captain?" The man named Remus asked. I had only spoken a few words to him since I boarded the ship, but I already gathered that he was studious and well-mannered._

_"Urgent business requires me to stop beforehand. Afterwards, we will continue as planned." Captain Dumbledore turned away from the crew and gave the dark haired Sirius a heading._

The _Hogwarts_ had been following a single direction for the last three days. I had discovered from Remus that it would be at least five days until we saw land.

Willie had been given mundane tasks. Since he was small for his age, the crew set him to repairing small things or running errands when needed. My only friend from my short time on the other ship took a quick liking to the mischievous Sirius Black.

While being a joker, Sirius took his role as a mentor very serious. I was happy Willie made a friend because getting on the wrong side of the first mate, who I later discovered to be James, meant I did not get to see him much.

Seeing as the captain was busy in his cabin, James overtook all command. I immediately noticed that he still seemed a bit sore about our first meeting. And 'trying' to help, I made sure to remind him at every opportunity that it was okay that he lost to a girl because surely he had not expected to win every fight. I smirked to myself well aware of the fact that all I was doing was rubbing it in.

In retaliation, James had sent me to peel potatoes in the storage room. The first day was not so bad, but three days of being pretty much locked up in the hull of the ship was not improving my slowly dwindling good mood.

With almost an hour of peeling behind me, I was nearly ecstatic to see James coming down the stairs. He might not have been the most cheerful company, but our banter kept me entertained.

"Barnes!" James barked, "The captain would like to see you in his cabin."

"You mean I get to see daylight?" I asked with mock-excitement, "I thought this day would never come!" Flashing him a big smile, I sauntered up to the grouchy man. "How will I ever repay you for saving me from this dark place?" Without any warning, I kissed him square on the mouth. Then, I took off running trying to smother my laughter.

By the time I got to Captain Dumbledore's cabin, my giggling had stopped except for some few random bursts of mirth when I imagined the messy haired pirate's face. I took special care to keep from laughing and raised my hand to knock.

Before my hand even touched the wood, Dumbledore said, "Come in."

"James said you wanted to see me, sir." Even with the aging captain's artistic appearance, his presence still demanded respect.

"Yes, yes, I did. Won't you please take a seat," he motioned to a worn chair sitting in front of his desk.

Complying, I sat down and waited for him to continue.

"Miss Barnes," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled almost unnervingly. I wondered why exactly the old man gave me the impression that he knew everything, especially what was going on in my mind. "You know, I have been meaning to discuss my plans now that you have joined the crew."

"Plans?" Every part of me, but my mouth was screaming that this discussion did not sound good. Within seconds, I knew why my body responded that way.

"Yes, Miss Evans," I gasped realizing he knew who I was. "I think it is about time you returned to the academy."

"No, no, and no!" My only other thought was: how did he figure it out?


End file.
